"In music, one must think with the heart and feel with the brain."

George Szell

A million heartbeats and neurons in harmony and syncopation.

I don't know if I found David.

Two years ago, Tony performed JRB's "Someone to Fall Back on" for all-school meeting. As he delivered the last line, "I'll be someone to fall back on" he looked right into my eyes. I was sitting in the end seat of the last row. I don't know how he found me, but that moment when his every note and beat and glint fell into mine, it was the loveliest, most incredible feeling. And after he hit the last word, he looked down, and smiled and suddenly I wanted to do what he just did for me. To sing into the eyes of someone in the audience with meaning, to imbue that someone with music and myself.

I wanted that someone to be my David last night. But I still don't know if I found him.

November 16, 2010 Part II

"And there is this David," said Mrs. Plambeck after she finished playing JRB's "I'm Not Afraid of Anything" for me. Who is he? is a question, but the greater question is, Who am I to David? I believe David is in the audience. During my performance [on the 19th] I would find him, sitting, listening, his eyes on mine--or standing because he was late, leaning on a wall, sideways but attentive.
     Please love me and stay.

November 16, 2010 Part I

I want to get away from this unhappiness. I want this unhappiness to get away from me. So rip away the pages of my life and make me a new book.