The Worst You Ever Feel

Until he was ten, whenever Aaron was sick or bleeding, his father would say the same thing: “May this be the worst pain you ever feel.” –Rebecca Makkai’s “The Worst You Ever Feel” 

When I went to Mrs. Freeman's reading on that Wednesday night in the Garden Room, the line I remember and loved was this line. I understood. I've had such experiences. There need not be some intricate connection with Aaron, who can sense ghosts, nor his father who had felt all the pain of "getting out." ("And so what was wrong with getting out? Except that escaping is its own brand of pain, and tied to you always are the strings of the souls that didn't save themselves.") I don't know much about the Communist takeover in the 1940s (not much about history, for that matter). But there must be some other attaching force that makes you nod your head, makes you stay up late, almost sense the ghosts Aaron does, feel the painful guilt of Aaron's father.